I dont know if its the difference in language, my lack of command over english or a character flaw in me.She believes i disrespected daddy. Its really important to find out the truth?
Today morning, I woke up at 5 am, i felt i wanted to sleep more but i resolved yesterday that i will live my life as her son should. Further papa and mummy were there waking me up with all there love.I finally woke up and started studying, wanted to hear her voice so badly. I love her when she's sleeps and talks to me, especially "kamina, sone de na".
Mummy went back to sleep but papa didn't, he was there in my room, trying to keep my spirits high, Sometimes even asking me stupid questions like which country is farthest from India and I confess I was a bit rude to him. Perhaps it was sleep, perhaps I felt he was keeping an eye on me or perhaps i wanted to call her so badly. I then realized, this is not how she would want me to be, I suddenly felt changed, I talked to papa properly, answered him, even asked few questions of my own. Thanked him for his help and finally i forced him to go to sleep again, I was selfish but a bit concerned too as he has a lot to work in the day.
Then I talked to her, day brightened up, I studied, 4 hours i really studied a lot, Then wanted to talked to her, got into a small discussion about our future. I said something, she misunderstood. Atleast thats my version of reality. I hate to call it my version. There is nothing mine.
I discussed with papa for long, he listened , helped me solve all my problems, only issue was i cudnt tell him papa i love this girl. I know if i would have told him he would have called daddy and talked directly. He somehow has solutions to all my problems.
I Finally though I had a solution, was eager to tell her. but when she typed the first word i felt alienated. My soul sensed something. I forced her to tell the truth, she thought i disregarded Daddy. I told her the truth, She didnt believe. My soul escaped, Heart stopped beating, life seemed at edge--about to fall.
She asked me to promise on her, I promised on everything I had--she didnt believe. I knew if she sees my eyes she can find the truth, I sent her a pic--she didnt believe. I tried with all I had, tears rolled down my eyes--she didnt believe.
I thought probably my love for her is not as magical as i think, I still have hope, I still have hope.
I went in the hall, was surrounded by ma papa and sister-- was still alone. I felt guilty for deceiving there love for me, but cudnt help it. Their love doesnt exist without hers and hers without them. People say i called her sisiter mother and lover, I think whts the difference.. does it all not lead to same.
Daddy,
She feels am not worthy of talking to u, still i gather enough courage to say something. I can never disrespect you, or disregard you. I am not capable. I feel respect for u, I idolize for ur daughter is a girl of impeccable character and unending love and It was u and mummy who made her this, for all of us are a clean slate when born. I am sorry but today i feel a bit of jealousy for she has such devotion and love for u. This jealously is not because I want this devotion and love but because I believed till now that my devotion and love for her, is unsurpassable atleast in these times. Plz allow me to be ur son, and if i am not worthy enough atleast let me touch ur feet once.
Life is not moving, its just ticking back and forth. I feel heavy call of slumber and want to sleep. I dont know where to sleep but, exactly for past 4 months i have slept in her arms, my face on her neck . Where do i sleep today.I dont know.
I will try, I will try to sleep on the steps of hanuman temple, for i have found her there everytime i feared i will loose her.
Ammi,
I wont say i am sorry, I ask u to understand me. Even if u forgive me i wont be happy as tht would mean disrespected daddy. Still, if u dont understand me , try again. My life is like a clock which has not stopped yet but just have enough battery for the hands to tick back and forth at same place. Neither moving , neither stopping.
u will find me on the steps of our hanuman temple, today , tomorrow, or even in next life.
Today morning, I woke up at 5 am, i felt i wanted to sleep more but i resolved yesterday that i will live my life as her son should. Further papa and mummy were there waking me up with all there love.I finally woke up and started studying, wanted to hear her voice so badly. I love her when she's sleeps and talks to me, especially "kamina, sone de na".
Mummy went back to sleep but papa didn't, he was there in my room, trying to keep my spirits high, Sometimes even asking me stupid questions like which country is farthest from India and I confess I was a bit rude to him. Perhaps it was sleep, perhaps I felt he was keeping an eye on me or perhaps i wanted to call her so badly. I then realized, this is not how she would want me to be, I suddenly felt changed, I talked to papa properly, answered him, even asked few questions of my own. Thanked him for his help and finally i forced him to go to sleep again, I was selfish but a bit concerned too as he has a lot to work in the day.
Then I talked to her, day brightened up, I studied, 4 hours i really studied a lot, Then wanted to talked to her, got into a small discussion about our future. I said something, she misunderstood. Atleast thats my version of reality. I hate to call it my version. There is nothing mine.
I discussed with papa for long, he listened , helped me solve all my problems, only issue was i cudnt tell him papa i love this girl. I know if i would have told him he would have called daddy and talked directly. He somehow has solutions to all my problems.
I Finally though I had a solution, was eager to tell her. but when she typed the first word i felt alienated. My soul sensed something. I forced her to tell the truth, she thought i disregarded Daddy. I told her the truth, She didnt believe. My soul escaped, Heart stopped beating, life seemed at edge--about to fall.
She asked me to promise on her, I promised on everything I had--she didnt believe. I knew if she sees my eyes she can find the truth, I sent her a pic--she didnt believe. I tried with all I had, tears rolled down my eyes--she didnt believe.
I thought probably my love for her is not as magical as i think, I still have hope, I still have hope.
I went in the hall, was surrounded by ma papa and sister-- was still alone. I felt guilty for deceiving there love for me, but cudnt help it. Their love doesnt exist without hers and hers without them. People say i called her sisiter mother and lover, I think whts the difference.. does it all not lead to same.
Daddy,
She feels am not worthy of talking to u, still i gather enough courage to say something. I can never disrespect you, or disregard you. I am not capable. I feel respect for u, I idolize for ur daughter is a girl of impeccable character and unending love and It was u and mummy who made her this, for all of us are a clean slate when born. I am sorry but today i feel a bit of jealousy for she has such devotion and love for u. This jealously is not because I want this devotion and love but because I believed till now that my devotion and love for her, is unsurpassable atleast in these times. Plz allow me to be ur son, and if i am not worthy enough atleast let me touch ur feet once.
Life is not moving, its just ticking back and forth. I feel heavy call of slumber and want to sleep. I dont know where to sleep but, exactly for past 4 months i have slept in her arms, my face on her neck . Where do i sleep today.I dont know.
I will try, I will try to sleep on the steps of hanuman temple, for i have found her there everytime i feared i will loose her.
Ammi,
I wont say i am sorry, I ask u to understand me. Even if u forgive me i wont be happy as tht would mean disrespected daddy. Still, if u dont understand me , try again. My life is like a clock which has not stopped yet but just have enough battery for the hands to tick back and forth at same place. Neither moving , neither stopping.
u will find me on the steps of our hanuman temple, today , tomorrow, or even in next life.
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